6th Day of Empty Nesting...Eggs

This is a rerun that I wrote waaay back in August, 2009.


Is this an empty-nested world or what? I suppose technically so, since M left over a year ago, but what with the frequent presence of the Blue-Eyed Boy, and then having D and the two little girls living with us for a few months, it was easy to disabuse ourselves of the notion.

Well, the Blue-Eyed Boy has started school :-( so we do not see him as frequently as we used to; and D and the girls have long gone to Kansas, to be seen only on very special occasions. So "home alone" is now pretty much the norm around here.

Some things stubbornly remain the same: the grass still grows just as fast, dust collects just the same, the cars still need the same amount of washing. But other things relentlessly emphasize the empty nest:

• There is no more sleeping with one eye open waiting for the squeak of the door that announces the last kidlet's return home for the night;
• Laundry, once done at the rate of 2-3 loads every day, is now done 2-3x a week;
• Cooking has dropped from 2+ times a day down to once every day or two;
• Even dishwashing, the once-upon-a-time, 3x-a-day dreaded chore now happens maybe once a day.

But the other day something happened that well and truly struck home, reinforcing once-and-for-all, that the empty nest is official. It was a simple thing, really, as turning points often are, recognizable only in retrospect. It happened like this:

The other day, somewhat desperately wondering "What's for dinner?" I decided to make an omelet. My mother taught me growing up to keep two dozen eggs on duty at all times, and this I have done faithfully for the last 30+ years, though over the past year, it has pretty much gone to one dozen. Well, this particular evening, I reached for the one lonely dozen in the refrigerator only to notice the *expiration date* of August 6th. Hm... only three weeks out of date.

And that's when it hit me: We not only don't need two dozen eggs on hand, one dozen is even too much. I have always pitied those blue-haired little old ladies in the grocery store buying their little six-packs of eggs to stock their little kitchens. And now . . . NOOOOOOO . . . I am just like them!!!! Well, not quite. I don't have blue hair. But other than that . . . I am, sadly, too much like one of them.

Eggs . . . or the lack thereof . . . an apt measure, indeed, of an empty nest.

Five-Minute Friday.... WELCOME

"WELCOME" might be the happiest word in the language.  Every other word out there can be used in more than one way, but "welcome" is only ever positive.

"I am happy to see you!"  "Come in!"  "I'm glad you are here!"  Who doesn't like to hear those words and feel those feelings?  I have been to places of welcome, and places of unwelcome, and welcome is the one you want, no contest.

Things that say "welcome":

• the aroma of dinner in the crockpot when you walk in the door,
• the smell of the Scentsy burner in the house,
• the snap and crackle of a cozy fire in the living room,
• a place to hang up your coat,
• a chair to sit down in to take off your shoes and warm up your feet.

It occurs to me, looking at my welcome list, that fall is a much more welcoming season than, say summer, or maybe even spring. Spring calls you outdoors, and summer who can stand, but fall and winter invite you in.  What is more welcoming than an invitation to come home...

5th Day of Empty Nesting...Good Night

Nighttime in the Empty Nest comes at the end of a long day of working and occasional playing.  We are hot (or cold) and tired and hungry.  But we wait for dinner in a civilized fashion.  There's no fussing or fighting, just anticipation of (hopefully) a good dinner and then a plop into our favorite chair, or whatever it is we look forward to doing.  It is Me Time.  There is no need to sleep with an ear open.  There will be no nighttime emergencies from the little kidlets, nor will there be any squeaking of the front door when the last big kidlet is in for the night.  Uninterrupted sleep is profound and restful.

Nighttime in house full of kidlets is quite a different story.  When there are kidlets in the house, evenings can get kinda stressful.  The day is about over, and everyone is hungry and tired, but pre-Empty Nest,

Hungry + Tired = Cranky.

That's how it is before dinnertime.  There's fighting and complaining, there's impatient waiting for dinner to hit the table, and waiting for Daddy to come home.  Sometimes, the pre-dinner hour is a "CALGON, TAKE ME AWAY!" hour, but that whole thing never worked for me.  If I was ever tempted to try it, I was immediately disabused of the notion by the hunch that when I came back things would be just like I left them, only probably worse.

The after dinner time goes fairly smoothly with a good routine in place.  Every little kidlet of mine loved to play in the water, so unless something was seriously amiss, bathtime was funtime.  Often I had to wait until the water had cooled and wrinkled their fingers and toes into prunes before I could coax them out peacefully, but once they were out there was cuddling and snuggling and fresh pj's, and life doesn't get too much better than that.

Well, except for the Bedtime Story!  For someone like me, the Bedtime Story is a Highlight...it is the Crowning Touch to the End of the Day.  Story books, classics, Mother Goose ... aaaahhhh ... books ... one of life's greatest pleasures.

And then sleep. 

Bedtime for them was early, and they were all soundly asleep before bedtime for me came around a few hours later.  Before I slept, I checked in on each of them.  Made sure they were covered up.  Made sure they were breathing.  Made sure they were marveled over.  If I happened to wake up during the night, I made a second round, but mostly, once they were nestled all snug in their beds, we did not hear from them again for the next 10-12 hours.

As much as one may (or may not) miss the hustle and bustle of kidlets, nighttime in the Empty Nest is lovely.  It is dark and quiet and peaceful. 

The nighttime stillness of a full house is altogether different.  It is still dark and quiet, but it is alive and full of promise.

And for all that...

 "There was never a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him to sleep."

  --  Ralph Waldo Emerson

4th Day of Empty Nesting...Boys

I used to have two boys in my house.  I still have two boys, only now I have two men.  And they are no longer in my house.

A few days ago, when I was visiting at my daughter's house, she came home from grocery shopping.  At my house grocery shopping means I pull up in the driveway and start unloading, but what happened at her house, and what used to happen at my house, was that here came her 13yo big boy through the door with about half a dozen bags hanging from his hands, which made me think "hmmmm....everybody ought to have a boy or two around the house."

That put me in mind of one of my own big little boys.  He wasn't such a big boy then, younger even than the current 13yo grandson, but he was big enough to raise pigs and feed chickens and hunt turkeys and kill mice and haul firewood.

We had been reading through a book together, one of those old-fashioned readers full of short stories, every one of which had a moral.  The moral of one particular story seemed to be that everyone should have a boy around the house.  It talked about the general usefulness of boys back in a day when children were actually contributing members of the family, unlike today when children's main purpose seems to be being entertained.  My boy and I talked about all the ways he helped on the farm, and how necessary his help was.

Society already saw children as liabilities rather than assets, but on the farm there is a different way of looking at things.  He was a farm boy, but he knew how town boys lived, and he was torn between being flattered about his usefulness and lamenting about how much work life requires from givers vs how much fun life offers to takers.

Now it's all behind us.  We are no longer on the farm.  He no longer does farm chores, but he knows how to work and he is not afraid to get his hands dirty.  He is very much a working, contributing, productive member of society.

Me...I am home alone in town, doing my own chores and bringing in my own groceries.

3rd Day of Empty Nesting...Pizza Night

Tonight is Pizza Night.  On the first Wednesday night of every month, our church hosts pizza night.  It's a come-one-come-all evening for bonding and connecting with family and friends, and pizza.

I am one of the world's biggest pizza fans, particularly if you are talking about onion pizza.  YUMMMM!!!!  I could eat the whole thing and die happy.

Good pizza, and good fellowship with good company.  So what's wrong?  Ah...it's the kidlets.  Or more accurately, it's not the kidlets.  No worry, there are kidlets galore right here amongst us.  Babies to teenagers and everything in between.  They are fine specimens all, made in the image of God, certainly His opinion that life should go on.  But, alas, they are not my kidlets, and that makes the difference.

I have learned a lot of life lessons since I became a mom waaay back in 1975.  One of them is that joy shared is joy doubled, and things are generally just more fun when the kidlets are around to share.

It isn't that I don't enjoy other kidlets.  It isn't that I don't appreciate them.  What it is, is that I am A Mom.  A Mom Alone is functional.  She has a life.  She even has a good life, though something is noticeably missing.  And that's just the way it is.  Because...

Once you are The Mom, you are never not The Mom.

2nd Day of Empty Nesting...Kidlets

As an Empty-Nested parent, I have many regrets, but I am eternally thankful that wishing my kidlets' childhoods away isn't one of them.

I was never the mom that couldn't wait for the kids to leave home.  I was never the mom that shouted, "Why don't you grow up???"  I knew somehow, even then, that while the days were long, the years would be short, and I determined to enjoy.  Or at least to endure if enjoyment eluded.

Looking back, which I do with regularity, I often find myself wondering why I did this, or why I failed to do that.  It is a mystery to me today, looking back through the years with the clarity and wisdom of hindsight.  Whaaaat in world could I have been thinking?????  Only God knows, at this point.  Only on my behalf may I say that sometimes I was so mired down I could just barely manage to function.   I spent years when my only feeling was "Overwhelmed."  I felt Overwrought and Overtired.  Overrun.  Overworked.  Overdone.  Overused.  And all the time, the kidlets were growing up and away, surely and unstoppably dragging me closer and closer to the Empty Nest.

They grew into every parent's dream.  Sensible, responsible adults.  Contributing, productive members of society all.  I am soooo proud of them.  Honored and flattered to be their mother.  And if I am honest I have to own up that they succeeded in spite of me.  That's a humbling thought.

It took 35 years to see the process completely through, but sure enough, one day, the years ended.  And the kidlets were gone, to be replaced by those remarkable men and women.   

Me...I find myself unshakably bonded with Christopher Morley, the man who confessed, "We've had bad luck with our kids - they've all grown up."

1st Day of Empty Nesting...Intro

31 Days of......what?????

Hmm ... After much deliberation I chose "Empty Nesting."  I have been in training for the Empty Nest for the last few years, and as of July, the transition is complete.  It is final.  It is irrevocable.

There is a lot of pain in the change, and added to so many other things going on here in the last couple of years, the pain has been intense and pervasive.

But I want to find hope.  

There are two sides to everything, so.... 

Empty Nest = Despair and Depression and Sadness?  

Or Empty Nest = Freedom?

To both questions may I say a resounding YESSSS!!!!!!

Day 2...Kidlets

Day 3...Pizza Night 

Day 4...Boys

Day 5...Good Night

Day 6...Eggs

Day 7...Reprieve
 
Day 8...Pause

Day 9...Relentless

Day 10...Style Show 

Day 11...Good Bye

Day 12...Math 

Day 13...Dinner

Day 14...Laundry 

Day 15...Church

Day 16...Shopping 

Day 17...Illusions/Delusions